The Little and Do any vibes end a brenda

So much gone. Another year, another piece of my heart, many blog entries. Fear and loathing in Union New Jersey. The music treats me well and life has seen fit to make the vocals better despite the smoke the stress the screaming. There is something to be said for the accompaniest (?) but I won't say it, can no longer say it, cannot speak and shall hold my tongue my word my heart my life my soul my lies it lies in me to be and sing and exorcise it. I am fragmented and fragments. I am parts and missing parts and living parts and dying pieces. I am a doll a monster a girl a woman with a child heart and idiots brain. My soul is not as stupid as my heart would have it believe. I am tears and rips and thinning skin and thinning hair and here and there I am full of angst and love and still I flow and yet I am arid as words fail me. I have several hearts and little con sti tu tion. I am falling and a fallen woman. I am seen and not heard and heard and not seen and never seen and heard. I am confused and clearly lost. Muse muse go away come on back another day little brenda wants to pay. I am going going and gone. Fishing off the coast of time and yes B I stole your line so sue me. I fish and catch little bois and tiny tois and not the one, the one the one big fish in the little pond that is my love. No I am not obsessed but have an obsession and there is no lesson learned by getting burned by my flame and no you are not to blame point set game.

I love you. I love you too. And I love you most of all. I am Polly and I am full of holes and full of shit and fucked and no you are not a fuck with a capital F or otherwise. I watch you be beautiful and not even know it. I see your fires and want to warm myself at them but there are guards there and prison matrons here and then there is the prison of my fear and self loathing for this heart that betrays.

I shall make myself known to you never. Best to dream. But in my dreams you love me and you, you do not love me. You profess to but my dreams never lie.